


Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

by svnsetsphantoms



Series: Jukebox [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, As I said I have no excuse, But also realistic, But she names her kid after them, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know if you can even call it angst but yeah, I have no excuse for this, I'm not sure how do you end a story like that, I'm so sorry, Julie has trouble coping, Or maybe they don't, So excuse any mistakes, The Author Regrets Everything, They could have just disappeared because who knows, This Is Sad, This is also kinda messy, and depressing, i guess that's something, i think so, see for yourself, the boys cross over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnsetsphantoms/pseuds/svnsetsphantoms
Summary: She enters the garage but doesn't feel surprised when she realizes it's empty. She feels numb, and she wants nothing more than to lock herself in her room and pretend she doesn't exist, but then she notices a song on a piano. It's an unfinished song that Luke has been writing and that's when she breaks. Hugging the piece of paper as if it were her greatest treasure, she lies on the garage floor, crying her heart out because it finally hits her.Her boys are gone and they're never coming back.ORJulie has trouble coping after the boys cross over.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Jukebox [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087676
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Major character death, bad language, depression, suicidal thoughts.
> 
> The title and lyrics are from 'Dancing with your ghost' by Sasha Sloan.
> 
> Inspired by: 'Dancing with your ghost' - Sasha Sloan, 'driver's license' - Olivia Rodrigez, 'marjorie' - Taylor Swift.

It's an ordinary day when it finally happens.

She's 17 and in love, and she believes she's going to stay that way forever. They're sitting at a beach, watching as the sun sets over the horizon, her head resting on his shoulder, his hand stroking her leg.

She looks at his face and she feels happy because she knows that with him, she can accomplish just about anything she wants. She knows she should worry about her future, but she doesn't want to, because, in his arms, she feels safer than she's ever been.

But, then, something happens and Luke winces in pain. He's flickering, and Julie keeps screaming his name, begging him to tell her how to help, but he doesn't answer, and she knows that means it's over, they're over.

She keeps yelling that she loves him and she tries to hold his hand, but it keeps passing right through him, and she's panicking because she's never felt so scared in her life. She looks at him and she sees he's just as scared, and even though he's too weak to answer her pleas, he sends her a look that expresses all of his deep feelings for her.

He disappears just as the sun sets, and Julie doesn't move for at least an hour, just staring blankly at the place where he sat.

She doesn't even remember walking back home. She enters the garage but doesn't feel surprised when she realizes it's empty. She feels numb, and she wants nothing more than to lock herself in her room and pretend she doesn't exist, but then she notices a song on a piano.

It's an unfinished song that Luke has been writing and that's when she breaks. Hugging the piece of paper as if it were her greatest treasure, she lies on the garage floor, crying her heart out because it finally hits her.

_Her boys are gone and they're never coming back._

* * *

The next morning, she goes on pretending that nothing happened. She attends her classes, writes some songs, plays something on her piano. It's almost like her mind has created this imaginary world where the boys are still around. 

But then, the excruciating pain comes. She lies on her bed that she hasn't left for days, crying her eyes out and pumping her fists into the matters in frustration, as if this could make them come back. Sometimes, she just sits on the floor with her legs crossed and she talks to her walls, pretending it's actually her boys.

Everyone's worried about her, but she keeps brushing it off because it's not like anyone could ever understand what she's going through.

Regardless of the pain that she feels, she can't bring herself to regret meeting the boys, because she knows they helped bring her back to life even though they were dead. They helped her discover parts of herself she never knew she had, they helped her understand the true meaning of friendship and love and she will never stop feeling grateful for that.

At the same time, a part of her keeps blaming them for the pain they caused with their disappearance, and she curses them for not sending her any kind of signs. If only she knew they were okay, she could stop worrying and blaming herself for not letting them go sooner.

But she always sucked at letting things go and her boys were no exception.

* * *

As time passes, the pain finally stops but is replaced by all-consuming numbness. Every day is just like the other and Julie can't recall the last time she shed a tear. The emptiness is calming at first, but it soon begins to swallow her whole, so she starts doing irresponsible shit.

She knows it's stupid, but she just can't help herself. She feels numb and she just wants to feel something, anything, to be reminded that she's still alive. All the evenings she spent locked alone in her room are replaced by nights spent at parties. She always gets completely wasted and always ends up hooking up with random people, and it doesn't take long before she's pregnant.

She's 24 when Lucas Alexander Reginald is born and she's so not ready to be a mother, but somehow the faith that her boys are watching over her keeps her going. People ask her why she decided to name her son that way, and every time that she answers the question, she says that it doesn't have any special meaning, and her heart breaks every time it hears the lie, but she's simply not ready to talk about her loss.

It's almost like if she keeps avoiding admitting that they're dead, they're eventually going to come back to her, and as she spends her evenings changing dirty diapers and putting her crying baby to sleep, she keeps feeding off this false hope that somehow, her boys are still with her somewhere.

She's 28 when she finally snaps because she can't take this anymore. She keeps crying and screaming and she begs for it to stop, she begs for life to stop but no number of pleas can make it happen. She just wishes Luke were with her because she doesn't understand what she did to deserve all of that.

She curses God over and over for making her suffer like that, for making her boys suffer like that. Lying on her wooden floor, she just wants to end it all, because she has been trying for so long and she just can't keep going.

She wants to end it all, but she doesn't. She doesn't because she knows Luke would want her to keep going no matter what, that he would want her to be happy.

She's hurting, but she never stops believing that one day, she will meet him again.

* * *

Slowly, things get easier. She takes care of her son whom she loves with all her heart. She releases new hits, goes on tours, wins prestigious awards for her music, but her success still doesn't feel quite right because he's not there beside her, holding her hand. She knows that if he were with her, he would support her with all her heart but the hole he left is real and she can't fill it no matter how hard she tries.

When she's 36, her heart breaks again. It's been a long day and she's driving home from a particularly tiring recording session, and she wants nothing more than to fall asleep in the comforts of her bed. She's almost home when her heart breaks because she hears a song on the radio.

_Yelling at the sky_

_Screaming at the world_

_Baby, why'd you go away_

_I'm still your girl_

_Holding on too tight_

_Head up in the clouds_

_Heaven only knows_

_Where you are now_

She clutches her wheel tighter because she doesn't have the energy to put up with this shit tonight, but the universe seems determined to torture her some more.

_I stay up all night_

_Tell myself I'm alright_

_Baby, you're just harder_

_To see than most_

_I put the records on_

_Wait 'till I hear our song_

_Every night I'm dancing_

_With your ghost_

_Every night I'm dancing_

_With your ghost_

She has to pull aside and stop the car because she can't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. It's obviously a song about a break-up, but it seems like the lyrics are meant for her, and her heart breaks, because oh god, how she misses him.

She knows it's pathetic because it's been years and she still can't get over her high school love, but she can't help it, because, to her, it was more than that. It was about finding this special, intimate connection, about finding her soulmate just for it all to be ripped away from her.

Her heart breaks again, so instead of going home she drives to her favorite park to clear her head. With her eyes still red from crying, she strolls through the park, enjoying the breathtaking view of the evening sky.

She keeps walking like this for a while when she reaches a small altar in the middle of a small lake, and when she comes closer, it's like the whole world disappears.

She turns around and she sees Luke making his way towards her, just like he did all those years ago in her dance class. She throws her arms around his neck and he tells her he loves her, and they slow dance and talk about nothing and everything at the same time, and she keeps telling him she misses him and he reassures her things are going to be okay.

She holds out her hand for him to take, but he just looks at her and disappears as he did all those years ago, and her heart breaks.

Her heart breaks because it was nothing more than her imagination and he's never coming back.

Her heart breaks because there's not a force in this universe that could bring him back to her.

Her heart breaks because she finally accepts that the only way, she could ever get him back is when she goes to him herself.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading!


End file.
